Saturday, 21 May 2011

Number Twenty One: The Honesty

I’m sure that getting life changing news gives everyone a little perspective- it’s certainly altered my outlook on life. (Some might say that this has more to do with the fact I’m about to hit 32!) I see life with more clarity- as if it’s been brought into sharper focus. I’m more aware of the bigger picture and seem to be doing a better job of letting the little things go. (Apart from the way in which my husband uses the SKY remote- this causes me rage…he’s so inefficient! Anyway…) With perspective comes honestly… I apologise now if you find yourself on the sharp end of my raw honesty but I just can’t help myself!  
I wonder if this need for honesty has anything to do with the fact I can’t bring myself to wear the wig? I feel like a total fraud as soon as I put it on! I accept that it makes me look more normal and less ill and I also realise it helps others feel more comfortable. But I just feel like it’s lying! Not to mention the comfort factor! I’ve never been one for glamour over comfort! Although I’m only just over five foot I’ve never been one for heels- I find them excruciating! Boots in the winter, flip flops in the summer- comfort first! Also I’ve never been one for loads of make up, hair extensions, false lashes- just not me. This does leave me a little stuck in the current looks department but I have to say I’m finding even this a little liberating! I don’t need to tell you girls how long I’m saving blow drying and straightening my hair! I’ve stopped thinking quite so much about looks and am really beginning to think about what’s on the ‘inside’.

Chemo Two is behind me and I’m feeling better- Hurrah! There’s no denying it was tougher second time round but I’m going with the theory that this is a one off rather than a slippery slope affect! Highlights of my day included- waiting for the postman (he continues to bring me wonderful parcels!) and changing from one set of pyjamas into different ones! I definitely felt sorrier for myself this time too- and I think we’ve all established I’m best left alone when ill! I’ve never been one for wanting my hair held back (ha!) or my back rubbed. I’d rather navigate sickness as a lone wolf! My friends have worked out through the tone of my text messages when to get back in contact- kind of honesty without the bluntness!

So with the heatwave upon us and it looking like the end of the world is not nigh after all I intend to bathe myself in sunlight and fresh air whilst contemplating ‘life’ and the important things in it!


  1. I agree with the not sweating the small stuff. I made my hairdresser laugh by going in and flashing my bald head and saying "Can you do anything with this?". She replied "Let it grow a bit" lol.

  2. Hi Erin, I didn't go down the chemo path but I was pretty adamant if I had to I was not going to wear a wig. I would not really care how it effects other people apart from my girls. You are right to focus on the important things, its now that I have cancer I realise thisxxxx

  3. 5th tall sporting boots and flip flops?? We seem to have far to much in common here ;) I'm not big on the wig either, but i am freezing cold when bald!

  4. hi erin im have just posted this comment to let you know that not givin up is the right thing you still have a life my mother fought cancer for 30 years .she brought up 3 girls and 5 boys along the way she collected teddy bears and would go out at the drop of a hat life was for living and that she did .Awarm freindly woman who just got on with it she had good days and bad days some time she would be so tired she just wanted to sleep and her bodt thermostat was crazy cold when the rest of us sweated and warm when we was shaking with cold .Ihope this will encourage you to carry on alll the best
    from me