Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Number Twenty: The Odd One

Chilli pasta for breakfast and coco pops for lunch! This sums up my day- an odd one! I don’t feel well… I don’t feel ill… I do feel odd.
Awake at 3am, asleep at 3pm. Saying I’m fine when I’m not. Not feeling bothered enough to turn the TV over (and since when did pressing fast forward three times just become TOO much?). I don’t watch Neighbours but am stunned that Toadfish is still providing material!

I’m over (as much as I’m going to be) the loss of my hair but am panicking about my fragile lashes- taking off mascara and rubbing sleep from my eyes have become very delicate operations indeed! With all their compliments about how well I’m pulling off a bald head (ha!) they always back up their lies with ‘It brings out your eyes.’ So it all hangs on the lashes then… they’ve got to hang on in there! You have no idea the alarm bells that can ring in my head when I feel a light tickle on my cheek… a lash! It’s a lash isn’t it? Another one gone!

My mouth is getting horrid again meaning that everything tastes odd.

The only productive thing I’ve done all day is book myself on to the ‘ Breast Cancer Care’s Younger Women’s Forum’ in London- this one at least fits in with the evil chemo schedule- I should at least be feeling less odd when it falls!

I suppose it’s like limbo- a little limbo every three weeks. I have no choice but to take time out of life to let my body recuperate from the battering of the poisonous chemicals but in my head I’m wasting time… waiting to get on with my life. I keep getting carried away thinking I feel better only to feel like a zombie again by the time I’ve got myself ready to leave the house! In fact I think that in the days following chemotherapy the amount of energy a patient has is exactly equal to the amount of energy needed to ‘get ready’ and that’s when exhaustion hits… washed, dressed, contacts in, face trowelled on… ready to sleep again! This is possibly even more frustrating than feeling constantly exhausted.

Back to the TV…I am also getting irrationally angry with the couples who wish to ‘Escape to the Country’ but NEVER buy any of the beautiful houses! What is wrong with them?

And... How much does my head look like George Alagiah's??!!
Too much TV. Not enough control over the remote- doing odd things to me- maybe another sleep would help.
I think this rambling post just about sums up the odd time I’m having…
Over and odd!

P.S. I made it to post number twenty... not SO faddy- I'm a changed woman!


  1. Oh Erin, I'm so with you in all this - I too feel odd. I've found Tonic water tastes ok with a chemo mouth. Marmite worked but wish I'd skipped the cucumber! My eyelashes are falling - I gave up contacts years ago so hide behind my specs. Loye ya chemo sista xxx

  2. Back to the TV…I am also getting irrationally angry with the couples who wish to ‘Escape to the Country’ but NEVER buy any of the beautiful houses! What is wrong with them - GOD SO TRUE!

    Lots of love to you xx

  3. Yay to booking onto a forum! (Wish we were going on the same one tho!) Boo to feeling odd! Give it time chick, this sh*t will all be over before we know it...(here's hoping!)....lotsa love Chez. xx

  4. Hello Erin.
    Popped in from the norty corner to bring you
    a) bag of resolve
    b) pillowcase full of hugs
    c) bag of carrots - but think that might be a mistake and meant for the horses
    d) glass of cheerfulness - otherwise known as Pimms.

    Pity I cant send you some energy on a memory stick that you could just plug into your side and download. But the thought is there.

    Hang on in there.

    Lots of love. XXX

  5. Ahh, thanks Mr Rubble! All gratefully received! (Especially the PIMMS how did you know?) Bless your heart. Xx

  6. I think you're blogs are fab and I hope that you have some more energy soon. I also loved the cow you made I wish I was that creative.
    Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 years ago and had to have a mastectomy. She came across this book and found it really helpful throughout her journey.
    The Breast Cancer prevention and recovery diet by Suzannah Oliver
    ISBN 0-14-0238395-1

    H x

  7. Thanks Helen- feeling so much better today! I'll have a look at that book. Hope you're well too. Xx