Saturday, 14 May 2011

Number Nineteen: The Missing Out

I HATE missing out on things! This week however I have been a major cancellation queen!

I’ve wimped out of the pub with friends, felt rubbish enough to cancel people coming over and felt too sick to meet either sister. Now I’ve just realised I can’t make the breast cancer care’s younger women’s forum with Chez of 'It Could Only happen to you Chez’. The annoying thing is…with all this time on my hands, I sit (OK lie) around thinking of things I’d like to do- making plans before I come to the obvious conclusion that I will not be leaving the sofa/bed because I just feel too awful. (My trademark positivity seems to have deserted me after chemo 2!)  I’m in the chemo fug and feeling miserable- I’m being grouchy with my husband (mainly for not folding the washing in the exact way I would have done) to make up for this I am subjecting myself to Dr Who- so he’s happy! (GEEK!) Chemo fug is deep and it’s hard to imagine feeling better again- my new obsession is looking at my calendar and calculating when I will feel well.

No Events- Totally sums it up!
All I can say is ‘Thank God for the internet!’ What would I do without Facebook, Twitter, Blogging, forums or iPlayer? What would I do without my PC, laptop or iPhone?

Of course the down side to the internet is the ease of internet shopping- couple this with the rekindling of my artistic flair (wool for felt making is next on my amazon shopping list!) and you have a dangerous combination! (For my bank balance and therefore my ‘happily married’ status!) At least I have no inclination at all to buy clothes- think the bald coot look has put pay to me caring about what I’m wearing and as I’m spending much of my time in pyjamas clothes have taken a back seat!

When I’m not planning things I’m not realistically going to do I’m imagining eating… I have no appetite what so ever but feel I should be eating- probably eating healthily! The only thing I’ve fancied after both chemos is fish and chips from the freezer! I do now feel like Maltesers but not so much that I could be bothered to get dressed and go to the BP!

Feels hard to imagine now but hopefully by tomorrow I’ll be feeling more myself- I have a NEXT voucher burning a hole in my wallet after all!

Less missing out and more getting out- that’s the plan!


  1. Aww babes, we will still meet up at some point, definitely & when ur chemo's over you can make up for lost time! In the meantime, I'm sitting around a lot too (& I'm not even having chemo!), I'm stuffing my face so the 'tummy flap' re-con may be a go-er after all! Lotsa love from Fat Ar*e!! xx Keep smiling chica. xx

  2. My worst week was after chemo 2. I just became very apathetic about everything. It was a really awful feeling. But it turned out to be one-off.

    Subsequent chemos were followed by just the usual physical side-effects. I hope it's the same for you too.

  3. I, too, am having a horrid second chemo. I spent most of today in the hospital having various anti sickness drugs administered through a cannula. The Dr has left a huge bruise - good thing I made her use my non chemo hand! Hope you and I both feel better soon xx

  4. Ahh, thanks guys, Chez I'm loving the image of you sitting around working on gaining some flab ready for recon- a very positive step I feel!

    Let's hope mine miserable one was a one off too! Have to say I'm feeling much brighter today- what a difference a day makes!

    Hope you're feeling better today too- I had stronger anti-sickness meds this time and ended up throwing up but I had felt less sick beforehand! Think I prefer being sick once to the lingering nausea!

  5. Found you via twitter and now following your fabulous blog. I'm looking forward to reading more and wishing you a speedy recovery! x

  6. Number 2 was a low point for me as well. Seemed like a big mountain to climb somehow. But 3 was better and 4 is fine as well. I think you just get used to being a bit useless really. Healthy eating ma a huge difference as well. Cliche for sure, but it worked wonders. Still gaining weight though - eating helps the heartburn and other indigestion issues. Typical, hey?? Keep smiling lovely lady xxx

  7. Hello Erin. Barney Rubble from the norty corner here. I just want to say how I think your blog is inspiring and very brave of you.
    I think your wig looks great by the way!
    Sending you loads of hugs and healing forumite vibes. And go get the maltesers girl! I have found they have brightened many a dull hour!!