Friday, 3 June 2011

Number Twenty Four: The Quiet

I’ve just received an email from Chez of it would seem that even the people who only know the ‘online’ me have worked out that the ‘quiet me’ = the ‘not so good me’! It’s been a tough week and a bit to say the least. When I started this blog I was feeling all positive and strong and I thought I could help others with my happy-go-lucky approach to cancer. With this in mind I really didn’t want to do a doom and gloom, whine away post. Then again I thought that an honest account would be far more useful than a fake ‘un! So here goes…

It’s not always easy to be blasé… ‘Yeah, fine thanks, blah, blah, blah…’ This week I’ve been a little angrier than that! And mostly because of the mess the botched PICC line, butchered arm business has caused. Remember the butchered arm? Well the butchery has left me with a thrombosis which has in turn delayed my chemo for a week (throwing out my carefully planned social calendar!) the clot needs treating, meaning I have to do horrible stingy injections everyday for a few months. I am mostly cross with myself for letting the crap doctor butcher my arm in the first place- I knew it was going wrong but just laid there sobbing instead of sitting up and asking for someone else. I got the impression that the nurses also knew it was a disaster and so I’m cross with them too. What makes me even more cross is that when I said it was really painful (over a week later) and it was decided it should be scanned- the SAME CRAP DOCTOR did the scan! He then proceeded to (wrongly) inform me that even though it was occluded it would be fine because I had lots of other veins and I could go ahead with chemotherapy the next day! (You can see where he earned the title CRAP DOCTOR!) I now need a line in sooner rather than later as there’s no possibility of using my butchered arm. So, on Tuesday I will be fitted with a Hickman line- after being sedated and by a different doctor! Second time lucky instead of third time? Just this once? Please…

Just to frame this whole arm butchery thing with the rest of my ‘not so good’ day… my morning had not started well… my baby (almost feel silly still calling him a baby but not quite ready to stop yet) had woken up in a cot full of sick and continued to throw up his breakfast and lunch- hate seeing him poorly. My evening ended badly when I opened my most favourite cheese ever pickle power to find a sticky, congealed lump of something yuck- not the evening treat I was looking for! So I’m thinking a rant is called for and I can be forgiven! (I’ve forgiven myself already to be honest!)

So, I always thought that if you haven’t got anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all- hence the quiet! But now I’m hoping that a little rant will be good for my soul! So Chez... I'm back! Thanks for thinking of me but hopefully normal service has been resumed. Fingers crossed!


  1. OMG, what a catalogue of disasters Erin. Hugs. My simply crappy cycle had nowhere near the consequences your line disaster caused. Big hugs about stingy injections - had to do them for a month after my surgery. I'm glad you ranted, it helps to get the stuff out good and bad. I missed you too.

  2. What a tale of horrid happenings. So glad to hear you back on form and next time you see Dr Crap coming your way, hide!! Also glad to see lil H eating pizza!! Take care, hugs S xx

  3. Good Grief! What a horrible turn of events. I'm not sure if this is the same thing, but I spoke with a young guy during chemo who had a pic line. It went from his arm, up by his neck, and to his heart. He said it was easy going in, and made going through chemo way easier then being jabbed each time. I hope thats the same thing your getting, so you can get back on track and get chemo over with. As for the crap Dr., I hope there is a way you can report his outrageous behavior, and the nurse to. It sounds like they are both in the wrong profession. I hope your arm heals up, and things turn around for you. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

  4. Yes- that's a picc line. I'm now having a different type- it goes in from below my collar bone.
    I've also just thought of another crap thing... Mid-butchery, I sobbed that I'd like my husband please... They phoned him and said he was needed at the hospital but didn't explain why- he drove there from his school thinking I was dead! This is really bad because his driving is iffy at the best of times! Xx

  5. What can I say? I missed ya missus! But bloody hell you've had a real ride out! Glad to hear you sounding back on form though - kicking & fighting! Does us good to have a good rant though! Take care, Love Chez. xx

  6. Erin - it is SO OK to post negative stuff as well - almost reassuring to know you get bad times as well! So sorry for the thrombosis honey, and hoping the hickman goes better for you. What a nightmare. I'm likely following in your heels once my op takes me down to just one arm. 3 mths of chemo has murdered them!