Saturday, 4 June 2011

Number Twenty Five: The Warnings

It’s getting on for five months since I found out about the Beast Breast and I’ve learned a lot (mostly about what not to do) so here’s a list of warnings for you…

  1. An epilator is no friend to the bald head.
When your hair falls out you are left with some hair- I envisioned a smooth head but was disappointed. A stubbly head? Oh no…this will not do!  (You are advised not to wet shave because of the risk of bleeding) Now, I’ve never used an epilator before but it would seem that the stubbly headedness should be the perfect opportunity for me to start! I am an idiot! Do NOT go there! I carried out this ridiculousness a few weeks ago and think I still have a slight graze on the patch of head I tried!
Moral- epilators and bald heads- not a match made in heaven!

  1. You will forget that others have no idea.
There have been a few mega hot days recently and these always seem to prompt unattractive men to remove their shirts…
 ‘Look mummy that man has no top on!’ laughed my three year old.
‘I’m just hoping mummy will do the same!’ the topless man replied.
‘Errr, you’d get a right shock!’ I laughed.

  1. Children are stronger than you’d think!
Three yr olds ask lots of questions….why? Why? WHY? I have been honest with my little boy- if he’s old enough to think of the question then I’m going to explain as best I can. The actual word ‘cancer’ only came up recently though- in others the C word sparks dread but to a three year old it’s just a name (a bit like the other C word- never understood why people take more offence to some words than others). Shortly after a recent round of boob related questions I overheard my son playing- he doesn’t have any weapon toys but as we all know this doesn’t stop them turning any old innocent object into a violent weapon. What I heard was. ‘Pussshhtt pusht! Go away cancer!’ as he blasted away the imaginary baddy. This was one of those moments when my heart broke a bit. How unfair that my little boy was fighting cancer rather than some cartoon villain. At the same time- the passion with which he was blasting away cancer on my behalf certainly gave me a boost of strength to fight myself- there’s no better reason to want to fight on than for your kids!

Chaucer I am not but these are my tales. Now I’m off to learn a bit more, probably about what not to do!


  1. I CAN NOT believe you out an epilator to your head. Crazy woman!! I used am electric razor but the bum fluff just grew back *rolls eyes*. And goodness me - it is so unfair that our kids know words like cancer.

  2. Such an inspirational blog, thank you for sharing. It really is a talent to be able to tell a deep story like yours on a serious subject and still make people laugh! Keep up the good work!