Number Thirty Two: The Pirate Trap

This is a child's costume-
the adult ones were all far too busty for us mono-boobed pirate types

There is a real danger whether wearing a bandana or going bald headed of accidently looking like a pirate. I am not joking when I say that looking in the mirror and asking myself ‘Would I look at home on a boat?’ is now an important part of my morning routine! The chances of this happening are seriously increased by the current nautical fashion that seems to be lingering this season- stripes, anchors and rope trim seem to be everywhere! So here’s my step by step guide to avoiding looking like you should be swabbing a deck or hunting for treasure whist coping with your lack of locks. ‘Arrrgh!’

1. Go easy on the vertical stripes and definitely never wear a striped scarf on your head Ooh-ahhh!
2. Being bald is quite a masculine look- you’ve been stripped of your feminine locks and some people think it’s a good idea to balance this out with a pair of large girlie earrings… No no no! You’re in dangerous ‘Me hearty’ land with this theory!
3. Large belts and buckles… all a bit piratey for my liking when teamed with a bandana or bald head!
4. I’m a huge fan of dresses over leggings but find myself thinking a parrot on my shoulder would complete the look whenever I wear my boots over those leggings! Much safer with flip-flops- thank God it’s summer!
5. If you’re in need of a weapon avoid swords
6. hopping is preferable to sporting a wooden peg leg
7. No rum…at all!
8. I think avoiding Jolly Roger motifs altogether goes without saying!

One last thing land lovers… just thought I should mention the irony of the fact that back in 2005 I had a pirate themed hen weekend! Seriously!

November 2005... oh what I'd give to have plaits right now!