Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Number Thirty Two: The Pirate Trap

This is a child's costume-
the adult ones were all far too busty for us mono-boobed pirate types

There is a real danger whether wearing a bandana or going bald headed of accidently looking like a pirate. I am not joking when I say that looking in the mirror and asking myself ‘Would I look at home on a boat?’ is now an important part of my morning routine! The chances of this happening are seriously increased by the current nautical fashion that seems to be lingering this season- stripes, anchors and rope trim seem to be everywhere! So here’s my step by step guide to avoiding looking like you should be swabbing a deck or hunting for treasure whist coping with your lack of locks. ‘Arrrgh!’

  1. Go easy on the vertical stripes and definitely never wear a striped scarf on your head Ooh-ahhh!
  2. Being bald is quite a masculine look- you’ve been stripped of your feminine locks and some people think it’s a good idea to balance this out with a pair of large girlie earrings… No no no! You’re in dangerous ‘Me hearty’ land with this theory!
  3. Large belts and buckles… all a bit piratey for my liking when teamed with a bandana or bald head!
  4. I’m a huge fan of dresses over leggings but find myself thinking a parrot on my shoulder would complete the look whenever I wear my boots over those leggings! Much safer with flip-flops- thank God it’s summer!
  5. If you’re in need of a weapon avoid swords
  6. hopping is preferable to sporting a wooden peg leg
  7. No rum…at all!
  8. I think avoiding Jolly Roger motifs altogether goes without saying!

One last thing land lovers… just thought I should mention the irony of the fact that back in 2005 I had a pirate themed hen weekend! Seriously!
November 2005... oh what I'd give to have plaits right now!


  1. ha ha! great post Erin, really made me laugh out loud!! practical advice indeed! hope you're feeling as well as you come across, take care missus, ur doing great! lotsa love, Chez. xx

  2. I'm also laughing Erin! Of course, am I right in thinking if it got you a date with a certain Mr Depp you'd be up for it?! ;)

  3. Funnily enough I couldn't see the attraction until I saw Mr Depp dressed as a pirate! I think I may be discovering more about myself than I realised on this little journey! Xx